I had a neighbor stop by one day. We chatted casually while I prepared dinner. It's so nice to have someone in my home, I thought to myself.

We had lived in our new city for six months and this was the first time anyone had come over to spend an extended amount of time in my home. This was the first time someone had actually tried to understand my muddled language.

As dusk drew near and the mosque started to sound her cue to go home, she leaned in real close and whispered, “I need some money. Can I borrow some money?”  

A dart to my heart. I was stunned. A friendship wasn't what she wanted. She just wanted money.

I used to consider myself as a generous person. In the States, I was never offended at the passing of a collection plate. People raising support or doing some sort of good work in the community? Sign me up, here’s a check. I'm not saying this to puff myself up. It was a different world of corporate jobs and living below our means. It was simple and easy, an American system I easily understood. But here, in a developing country, I find being generous complicated. I am bombarded with needs every day. There is poverty all around me, hungry children at every corner, and the elderly are suffering with minimal access to medical help or medication. Our neighbors don’t have running water and sleep on bug-infested mats.

How do I know when to help? How can I actually help? Westerners living overseas hear phrases like “create dependency” and "damage communities."  We are concerned with coming off as a "white savior" whose benevolence is perceived as self-serving. Expats are warned that if we give, the money won't be used for good things and often go in the hands of handlers. Then, when we do give, we often feel guilty and questions fill our mind. Did we do the right thing? Did we give enough? Did we give too much? Were we just lied to?  

Our confusion often leads to inaction. Inaction leads to apathy. It is almost impossible as a foreigner to fully understand the cultural undertones of the contexts we live in. We often fear we will do more harm than good so it is easy to just not give. I confess, I have spent a lot of my time overseas not being a generous giver and when I did give, it was crossly and with uncertainty.  But I am called by my faith to be generous, right? To give to anyone who begs of me (Luke 6:23)?

Yes, I believe that I am. I haven't figured it out completely, but here are a few things that helped me to practically work out my faith on the subject of giving.  

1. Follow the lead of local friends. Whenever someone comes collecting for an orphanage in our neighborhood, I ask a neighbor for their opinion. I also ask them for the appropriate gift amount. Two dollars might not seem like a lot in my mind but in my current country of residence, it could be sufficient for a gift given to someone you don’t have close ties to.

2. Agree as a couple. My husband and I have found it helpful to know our personal convictions before opportunities to give arise. We use each other as an important tool to gauge when to give and how much. Having a family strategy, like setting aside a certain amount for giving, is helpful when making the decision.

3. Money isn't the only currency. We keep packages of Ramen type noodles in our car to hand out to people standing at intersections and stoplights. I have a friend who bought lunch every day from the noodle food cart for the kids hanging around on the streets near her home. We can be also be generous with our relationships and our time. If our money is what’s needed, we can help more directly and specifically with the financial burdens (i.e. transfer the school fees directly to the school or purchase the medicine needed). These are all ways we can be generous to the people living around us.  

4. Create jobs. I know the life of our helper and her family has improved greatly since she started working with us. We have helped her drill a well so she has water to bathe, wash clothes, and do dishes at her home. Her children are getting a good education and her daughter has hopes of going to university (the first in her family to do so). We have a widow who irons our clothes even though we have six kids who could do that job and our full-time helper. We allow people to cut our grass, take away our trash, and do other jobs we are very capable of doing.  

5. Err on the side of generosity. I am not responsible for how the gift is used but only how it’s given. We are told as Christians to give cheerfully, not begrudgingly. I have to reconcile in my heart that it is okay to be taken advantage of occasionally and that some people may think me foolish for giving. Remaining generous is a complicated matter. It’s an individual conviction that needs to be sorted out between your heart and the Lord. Pray about it and talk to mentors, but mostly, just give.

Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. 2 Corinthians 9: 7-8

We aren’t certainly not experts on this topic, but if you’re interested in diving deeper or have more questions, you should head to Kindred Exchange. They are a non-profit that exists to preserve the Great Commission through authentic and sustainable relationships bridged across cultures. They are an invaluable resource and we highly recommend you peruse their site and follow them on Instagram.