Choosing Joy in the Transient Life
The past nine months have been full of transition. In that time, I have said goodbye to good friends and a country I called home, moved across the world, planned a wedding, resigned from my company, become a wife, driven across the country, joined my husband’s company, and am currently driving across the country again. If all goes according to our plan, we will drive across the country one more time, move overseas within the year, learn a new language, and then move again a year later. Oy. Vey.
Even before all of that, I was no stranger to transition. Living the globally mobile life for six years took care of that. Moving across the world and a few home assignments, multiple housemates from different continents, yearly changes in co-workers, new team dynamics, relocating to another province, and countless goodbyes to friends in the wider expat community are just a few of the transitions I’ve experienced in my time overseas.I quickly reached the point of not wanting to say another hello to one more new person or short-termer. I was willing to maintain the relationships I already had, but I wasn’t interested in any new ones. I figured they were going to leave soon anyway, so why bother putting forth the effort to build another friendship when it would cause another hurtful goodbye down the road? If this sounds like a yucky attitude, you are right.
When I was at one of my lowest points, a new girl showed up in town. On the surface, we didn’t have anything in common and she was only going to be there for a year. I wasn’t looking for new friends, but when she asked me to hang out on her day off, I acquiesced. And then she asked to do the same thing the next week. And the week after that. Eventually, it became part of my regular Wednesday routine and we found some similar interests. I enjoyed spending time with her and getting her perspective on life and being able to share some things that I had learned along the way. We haven’t lived on the same continent for over two years, but we keep in touch regularly. I generally find it very difficult to maintain deep friendships with people in completely different places, but she was willing to make that effort, so I followed. What a gift her friendship has been to me. And what joy I would have missed out on if I had given into my selfishness because I was tired of transition.
“Choose joy” seems to be a popular phrase these days. I’ve seen it on wall hangings, sweatshirts, even socks. And I like it. I want the wall hanging. I want the sweatshirt. (Though I could probably pass on the socks.) But I wonder if sometimes I like the pretty thing more than the meaning of the message. What would it actually look like for me to choose joy on a regular basis? I think it starts with the mind. I have to make a conscious decision to make the right choice. I have to not let my feelings dictate my choices even if it seems easier.
Can I choose to reach out to the next new person in my path and be thankful for another friendship even if it may be a brief one? When it comes time to move and I have to pack all my things in boxes again, will I choose joy? Will I complain that I’m tired of moving or will I choose to be thankful for the opportunities that we’ve had here and that are coming ahead? When I go to Hobby Lobby and see cute picture frames on sale, but know I shouldn’t buy them because moving space is limited, will I feel sorry for myself that I don’t get to set up a home in America or will I choose to be joyful that I have the privilege of living this globally mobile life?
When it comes time for you to make your next transition, whether it be location, people, or something else, what will your response be? If you’re like me, you will be tempted to whine and complain and want things to be easy. Whatever you’re facing, I encourage you to take the “choose joy” message to heart. Don’t let it become just another sweet mantra that looks good on your wall or your clothes. Make the choice to choose joy. It’s a much more pleasant attitude and I think you’ll appreciate it.
Do you find it hard to choose joy in transitions? How has choosing to choose joy made a difference in your life?
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