It all started when I was feeling overwhelmed by my mental to-do list as we prepared to move overseas for the first time as a family. There were emails to answer, deadlines to meet, and people to see. There was a twenty-page visa application to complete, a college course to finish, and a baby’s arrival to prepare for. Not to mention the stress involved in sorting through every single possession—deciding what to take, what to store, and what to give away.
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ears of desire and prep and waiting for the right timing.
You research, seek advice, and connect with those who have gone before you.
Then that huge shift…and you realize that no amount of groundwork or education could have adequately prepared you for what you’re currently experiencing.
Am I talking about bringing home a baby or moving overseas? Both.
My husband and I just brought home our first baby. As I was feeding her last night, I realized that life with her has a lot of similarities to moving to a foreign place. Here are a few of them:
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Is anyone else feeling overwhelmed by statistics, headlines, and confirmed case counts? It didn’t take me long to get there. I can only handle so much bad news before I start feeling numb. I don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to process every single update. I haven’t been in my host country long enough to know the reliable news sources and I can’t sift through the word-of-mouth news to determine what’s just a rumor (or translate it, for that matter).
This is a serious situation. Everyone is concerned about their loved ones. We have all been affected by this virus in some way. When my company informed us of a potential country-wide lockdown, we stocked up on food and diapers. We have the resources to be able to do that without a second thought. My family has a reliable income, but even if that goes away, we have savings. We will be okay. Then I started thinking about my neighbors. They don’t have the resources to save. They go to work, get paid, and eat. Rinse and repeat. I just stocked my cabinets full of food, and my neighbors might not eat tomorrow.
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Teams comes in all different shapes and sizes. Different passport countries — different experiences that led us overseas, and different life stages — which all add to the diversity that is often found in expat communities.
Diversity can be a beautiful thing, but it can also be challenging. Different perspectives can be helpful, but that means not everyone thinks like I do. Everybody has a unique skill set that complements others’ and each serves to accomplish the task, but that means we have to depend on each other. Experienced team members have a lot of wisdom about the country, the work, and the people, but it can be hard for newcomers to understand and accept that wisdom.
Sometimes it’s easier to stick with those with whom I have the most in common. Working with people who are different than me requires more effort, humility, and grace. It’s hard enough to work alongside those people in my passport country, not to mention overseas where everything is different. My tendency is to gravitate towards others like me.
But I don’t think this is the way we were meant to do life.
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When I initially went overseas, I committed to one year and was sent as an intern with my company. By the end of my third year, I had committed to staying in my role long term and finally had the time to attend a training for people preparing to move overseas in Colorado during the summer of 2015. It was there that I first learned about “yay ducks” and the “yuck ducks.”
The trainers brought out two rubber ducks. (If you say, “pair of ducks” quickly, it kind of sounds like “paradox.”) The Yay Duck represented all the good and exciting parts of moving overseas. The Yuck Duck had some bruises and band-aids and represented all of the not-so-good parts of moving overseas. This was a new way to describe some of the feelings I was experiencing, as I looked ahead to making a major life transition.
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During my six years in southeast Asia, I lived with seven different people. They came from the United States, Europe, and Australia, and all stayed for a different length of time, from a few weeks to two years. I became good friends with a few of them and we still keep in touch.
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Singles living overseas are in a unique position. They have left everyone they know to move to a new place and take on a new role. I believe good, solid friendships are vital to anyone thriving overseas (or in their passport country for that matter), but especially for singles.
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