At long last, Alicia is back! She's recovered from her whirlwind trip back to Indonesia, and her return inspired today's episode about moving overseas for the first time. In this episode, we discussed how we prepared when we first moved overseas, how we handled (and still handle) those wretched goodbyes, and what helped us when we landed in a new country and culture.
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I am not here to tell you that less is more, because less is actually less.
Less—it is a simple word not used much in Western culture. I don’t hear many people proclaiming they want less stuff, less activities, less house, and less friends. I definitely have never heard someone say, “I want to be less.” In Pope Francis’s documentary, A Man of His Word, he said, “We can all get by with less.” That is a novel notion for those of us that come from consumer culture. What if we all started striving to have less, instead of running about striving for more of everything?
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When I initially went overseas, I committed to one year and was sent as an intern with my company. By the end of my third year, I had committed to staying in my role long term and finally had the time to attend a training for people preparing to move overseas in Colorado during the summer of 2015. It was there that I first learned about “yay ducks” and the “yuck ducks.”
The trainers brought out two rubber ducks. (If you say, “pair of ducks” quickly, it kind of sounds like “paradox.”) The Yay Duck represented all the good and exciting parts of moving overseas. The Yuck Duck had some bruises and band-aids and represented all of the not-so-good parts of moving overseas. This was a new way to describe some of the feelings I was experiencing, as I looked ahead to making a major life transition.
Read MoreI have moved to a third new country in seven years (and that’s not counting all the moves back and forth to my passport country.) Your story is probably similar if you are reading this blog, and let’s be honest, it is exhausting. Besides the logical nightmare of moving countries, there is the emotional nightmare of finding your place and your meaning again.
During the previous moves and other life transitions I started to compile a mental list of rules to help me with the transition. These rules, silly and serious, have helped me settle into life in a new host country, and I hope some of them resonate with you as well.
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Sometimes I feel like all I do is pack and unpack bags. It is kind of a joke in my bio that I am a “professional packer of bags,” but it is also very true. I bet you have also felt like a professional packer of bags at times during your expat journey of traveling and moving across all kinds of borders. I bet you have spent a few weeks just shopping, sorting, organizing and packing those bags to head back to your host country.
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My husband and I have moved once or twice.
A year.
For the past ten years.
At our core, we are routine-loving homebodies. We dream about the day when we can settle into a house and paint the walls, maybe even build a treehouse. But that isn't our lifestyle right now. So we had to train ourselves to embrace transition.
Life abroad is full of change, and I think most expats go through more than their fair share of transition.
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I don't want to go back.There. It's out now. Free for all of the web-a-world to see. I've been afraid to say it out loud; fearful that admitting it will make me weak, wrong or make it more true.When we sold almost everything seven years ago and moved 10,000 miles away, it was easier. The adventure was before me. What's that old saying? Ignorance is bliss.I had yet to get that call that my grandmother suddenly died in her kitchen, alone. I hadn't missed my brother's medical school graduation. I hadn't missed holding my new nieces and kissing their soft little cheeks. I hadn't missed birthdays, Thanksgivings and Saturday morning cups of coffee with friends.The internet is a beautiful thing. It helps me to stay connected. But it can feel artificial. I'm always watching life of my loved ones unfold on a screen while I am oceans away.I don't long for the perpetual heat. And the people questioning my every move, watching my children like hawks and taking picture of us like they are the paparazzi and we are the Jolie-Pitt clan.
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