Transitioning Well As a Family When Moving

My husband and I have moved once or twice.

A year.

For the past ten years.

At our core, we are routine-loving homebodies. We dream about the day when we can settle into a house and paint the walls, maybe even build a treehouse. But that isn't our lifestyle right now. So we had to train ourselves to embrace transition.

Life abroad is full of change, and I think most expats go through more than their fair share of transition.

It took us a few tries and lots of practice, but our family discovered several keys to making transition calmer, more manageable, and even…enjoyable. Yes, enjoyable. We have some great family memories from times of transition. (We're a little crazy like that.) So now we've become routine-loving homebodies who also enjoy moving and change and new places.

So whether your season of change is planned or unexpected, here are a few suggestions to help your family transition well:

Keep any routines you can. It helps both adults and children relax a little if they know that something stays the same. If possible, make the switch to new routines subtly.

Implement this: Wake up earlier the week before school starts so everyone gets used to it when there's nowhere you have to be yet.

If your routines must change, embrace the changes by building in fun. Scheduled downtime is important.

Implement this: Break trips up into more days so you can stop somewhere for a fun attraction or a leisurely meal. Make necessary travel or moving feel more like a vacation.

Keep expectations low. And make sure everyone's expectations are on the same page. In our family, we try to under-promise and over-deliver.

Implement this: Tell your spouse, "With all the appointments and visa paperwork going on this week, I need to take cooking dinner and doing dishes off my list. I'd like to have takeout on paper plates so I can focus on other things right now."

Be aware of your stress spots. My husband gets stressed the hour before we leave for a trip. I know that his fuse gets shorter as the estimated time of departure approaches, so I do my best to stay on the timeline. My weakest hour is mealtime. If we are traveling and hungry and don't know what we're doing for dinner, I get frustrated and come down with a serious case of indecision, which annoys everyone. Even me.

Implement this: Ask your spouse if he's noticed a pattern of times you get frustrated, and make a plan to help keep those times calm (such as deciding early in the day where to eat meals).

Keep communication open. It's easy to internalize stress and deal with it alone so you aren't "complaining." Don't hold it in. Talk it through with a spouse, friend, or family member. Remember to check in with kids, and watch for behavioral clues for those who are too young to verbalize what they're feeling.

Implement this: Set up a "meeting" (over the phone if in person isn't possible) to talk through how you're feeling. Don't leave it until your bad attitude reaches critical levels; schedule it before it becomes an issue.

Be present. We should all be doing this anyway, right? But it's so easy to coast on autopilot when you're in your regular routine. On the flip side, though, it's also easy to power through your to-do lists during transition and forget to stop and enjoy the journey.

Implement this: Make a list of everything you were grateful for in the season you're transitioning out of and what you're looking forward to in the next.

You may not become a change junkie overnight, that doesn't mean you can't embrace transition when it comes. And your attitude will set the example for everyone else. 

What was your most recent transition? How do you and your family members deal with stress differently?