Episode 29: Finding Your Place as a Trailing Spouse with Tawni Sattler
“When people ask me what the biggest shock was of coming here, it has nothing to do with the culture. It has to do with going from a busy nine-to-five life to being this “trailing spouse.”
Married or single, it’s likely you have struggled at some point with finding joy and purpose in the tasks expected of you in your life abroad. In Tawnie’s experience of becoming a “trailing spouse”-the spouse who isn’t working full-time- those expectations can be challenging and isolating. In this episode, she shares vulnerably about leaving her career in the states behind, and her journey to find her own passion and purpose while living overseas. Tawnie reminds us that finding outlets outside of ministry and work that align with our talents and passions can help prevent burnout and lead to a more fulfilling life.
Show Notes
Connect with Tawnie: Website | Instagram
Connect with Denise
Connect with Melissa
Questions discussed during this episode:
How would you explain a “trailing spouse?”
"When you moved to Vienna, your career stopped. Was that because you weren’t allowed to find another job or it just didn’t work out?
Were you told that you would be expected to put your time into the school where your husband worked, or was it an expectation once you got there?
Did you find yourself in a place where you needed to create balance between what you were asked to do and what you wanted to do?
When did things start turning around where you found your footing?
What’s your vocational background?
Did you feel pressure of expectations from people around you that it was selfish to do things for yourself, or did you feel freedom to just be who you are?
How do you handle the things that you don’t necessarily enjoy but need to be done anyway?
How would you encourage women who are in the same place you have been?
What’s a God-moment you’ve had since you’ve moved overseas?
Mentioned in this episode:
Mistyping Podcast on Apple and Spotify
Tawnie and Tamika’s podcast: The Pink Lemon Podcast
Noteworthy Quotes:
“When people ask me what the biggest shock was of coming here, it has nothing to do with the culture. It has to do with going from a busy nine-to-five life to being this “trailing spouse.”
“We were trying not to have any expectations in coming here because we knew it was going to be one unexpected event after another.”
“I ended up doing a bunch of things that were fine and it was fun, but it wasn’t exactly what I had imagined for myself.”
“I was definitely in this place where something felt really unsettled in me.”
“We wanted to have another child and we got that, but then also somehow got this peace that it was okay to step back from all of these things, because now you have a valid excuse- as if I needed one.”
“It’s isolating in the U.S. to be a stay-at-home mom and then you add in all cross cultural living and I feel like it’s ten-thousand times more isolating.”
“I think what the real challenge was for me was that I feel like I’m not wired to just stay at home with my kids all the time.”
“I love volunteering my time in these things that are meaningful. I love being a mom and spending time with my kids. Why do I still feel like there’s something missing?”
“I felt like I was judging myself and then projecting that onto other people and then I would just assume that other people were judging me.”
“I joined a bootcamp for people who were interested in remote work, particularly in freelance, and my eyes were opened.”
“Ever since we moved here I feel like we’ve been under a microscope, which I feel like is a really common thing for expats, especially if you’re in ministry. I felt guilty for just buying a coffee because that’s ‘frivolous.’”
“It’s ok to figure out what your passion is and to figure out what you want to do and do it. It’s ok if you’re passionate about more than one thing and it’s ok if you do more than one thing.”
“If you’re struggling or feel like you’re suffering somehow, you need to re-evaluate.”
“I don’t believe God sent you to where you are just to suffer for a cause. I believe He sent you there to thrive in your ministry, but also to thrive in your life apart from your ministry.”
“You have to have a life apart from your ministry, or you’re going to burn out.”
Related previous episodes:
Holding Loosely to our Plans Loosely with Allie Riddle
It’s Tea Time Somewhere: All About Transitions
Finding Your Parent Style in the Foreign to Familiar
Related articles:
Transitioning Well as a Family When Moving
Tawni’s Kitchen | This Global Kitchen | Day 3: Austria
This Global Life | Day 26: Nepal
Show credits:
Hosted by Denise James and Melissa Faraday // produced and edited by Melissa Faraday // content managed by Heather Fallis.
HELP THE TAKING ROUTE PODCAST REACH MORE EXPATS
Subscribe | To subscribe on iOS, go to our iTunes page and subscribe to the Taking Route Podcast. If you’re an Android user, we recommend using the Stitcher App which you can find in the Google Play store. Then, once you’re in the app, search for “Taking Route Podcast.” Click the plus (+) sign to add our podcast to your Favorites list.
Leave a review | When you leave a five-star iTunes review, it helps other expats find us when they’re seeking out podcasts on iTunes. Need directions? Just check out the “Reviews” highlight on our Instagram account.
Share with a friend | We hope to see the Taking Route podcast grow and grow and grow, but we rely on expats like you to spread the word. We appreciate when you share our episodes—whether that’s via Facebook, email, Twitter or Instagram. Thank you for the love!
Start your new year off with some organized language notes thanks to the One Word at a Time Language Learning Notebook.